Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
