Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
