you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
