Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
