Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
