I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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