I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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