I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
