If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
