He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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