It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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