based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
