Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Randomize
