she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I CAN MOONWALK!
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
