Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
