2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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