woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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