i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
