I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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