well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
