When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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