Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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