If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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