Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
