It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
