Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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