My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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