drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
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Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
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I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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