OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
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she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
He did a backflip because drugs
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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