Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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