9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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