My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
