You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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