well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
