everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
