Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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