Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
