finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
