i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
