so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
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