I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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