I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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