just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
