the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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