im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
