Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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