There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
