Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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