My first STD was from a foam party
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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