Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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