i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
