Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
