guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
