It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Randomize
