I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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