first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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