im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
