i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
