I think my fart just growled at me.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
