I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
