My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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