I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
