you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
