the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
